Forgivness
by Catlover friendly-but-xplosive
Summary: Sequel to Redemption. Gotta read Redemption first. pleaz R&R.
1. Trust and Friendship

The sequal to Redemption, when she's learning the light side again.

XX

The young trainee who scampered away down the corridor chasing after her friend stopped mid-step as Zia Toran walked past. She emitted one squeak and froze in place, watching the older Jedi pass. Zia Toran noticed this, and that her friend, a male Twi'lek, copied this instinctively. She sighed. _They still don't trust me. _She had lived, worked and trained with the Jedi for three months now, labouring to atone for her crimes she had committed as a Sith.

_His eyes still bore into her at night, still haunted her dreams, still made her flinch. She had nightmares about his pitiful screams as she stabbed him, his sister's sobs. She still remembered the sheer terror in his eyes as he faced the Sith threatening his only family, but he still faced her. She remembered with shame her laughter, how she drew her strength from his fear._

Zia shook her head to clear it of the visions. It was bad enough at night, when she slept, without reliving it during the day too. She didn't need the distraction. It was enough work resisting the darkness that hovered over her head, over her heart.

She passed the room that had once belonged to Sarah, her best friend. Her best friend who had died by her blade, she thought bitterly. The blade that even now was in the council chambers, in a small, non-descript black box in a hole in the wall. She's seen it, even though no ones actually said it's there. But she feels it. Its black malice stares out at her.

Quick footsteps passed beside her, and she looks up. It's Luke. "Zia" He acknowledges her presence before continuing on his way. He must be a busy man, she thinks. Too busy to check up on each of his Jedi. Yet somehow he does, the brief acknowledgement encourages her to keep going, not to give up. It's the encouragement she needs.

She passes the sparring rooms and pauses, hearing the clash of lightsabre on lightsabre. It brings back painful memories, and she lingers in the doorway, watching the Padawans fight, yet seeing two different people.

_A young Zia Toran holds her pure blue blade in her hands, facing the Twi'lek called Sarah. She knows her only by reputation, but that precedes her. It's rumoured she's the best lightsabre fighter in the Enclave, equalled only by Zia herself. It's a fight that is the source of many bets from watching students. As they thrust and parry, thrust and parry, neither gaining ground, yet neither tiring, the crowd grows. But they don't even notice its there, lost in their own fight. When the fight finally concedes to Sarah, both Padawans are covered in sweat and leave the room friends. _

She wonders what the relationship between these two is. Are they friends or rivalsor neither? Will they leave the room friends, as she and Sarah had? Or will they leave bitter enemies? She continues on her way.

There's a crowd in the dining hall, seemingly been shown something by a fellow student. A collective gasp and a hissing noise. Zia smiles slightly as her consciousness brushes that of the snake. She's always liked snakes.

She exits, watching the sun set over the tree line. It's a beautiful planet, strong with the Living Force. It makes her feel at peace. Not much did these days.

She feels a presence at her side, and turns to face a small girl, a Zabrak initiate. She smiles slightly, but its without feeling. She stopped feeling long ago. "Master Skywalker would like you to join him in the meditation chamber" she stutters over the words, and again she is reminded of Sarah. She has seen this particular Initiate before.

"Thank you" she says in a flat tone, the tone she has used since she arrived here. "I will be there shortly" she hears the pattering of small feet as the Initiate joins her friends.

_Friends. I wish I could claim to have some, but not now. Not since that day. _She heaved a long sigh, and stood as the sun vanished behind the leafy tops. She might as well not keep Luke waiting.

As she enters the meditation chamber, she sees Luke hovering above the ground, facing the opposite direction. Without turning or dropping, he speaks. "Ah Zia. Come here, I have something to show you" She walks towards him, and sees his hands cupped around something.

He opens them, to reveal a jewel bright snake curled in his palms. It raised its tiny head, and hissed at her. She stared in open wonder at the creature.

"Master…" she reaches forwards and brushes its consciousness with hers. A sharp pang of longing for its mate, hunger, the need to sleep. He handed it to her.

"It's yours. Do with it as you like" she took it from his hands, and placed it outside the open window, explaining simply.

"It was the best thing for it" she was rewarded with his smile.

"Indeed you have learned well. You have an affinity for animals, Zia. Let that be your link to the Living Force" she smiled slightly, a rare occurrence. _Maybe I do have a friend. _"Now go to bed and be rested for tomorrow. You're ready to use a weapon again" She stared again, but didn't say anything, only bowed and exited the chamber.

_I'm not sure I'm ready for this, but if Master Skywalker thinks I am, I'll give it my best shot._

XX

pleaz R&R!


	2. Preparation and Doubts

Sorry this took so long, but I'm nearly done. One more story to finish it, and then its completed.

XX

Zia stretched as she woke and watched the sun rise through the stone window. She had the feeling that something important was going to happen. But she couldn't remember, because of her dream…

_She was holding a lightsabre in her hands, and everyone she had ever known was in front of her, bound and gagged. She was mercilessly cutting them down, maiming them, and hurting them. _

She shook off the after-effects of the dream. _It's only a dream, Zia. _But the smell of blood was all too familiar, and the screams. It repulsed her.

Then she remembered. _Weapons. That's what Luke said I'd be doing today. _She bit her lip. _I never want to hold another weapon again. I know how destructive they can be in the wrong hands. And I'm not sure mine are the right ones. In fact, I know they aren't._

She stood and took a deep breath before walking out of the room to the mess hall. As usual, she was alone at her table. No one wanted to eat with her, or they had their own friends. She had no friends, except Luke. In some ways, she was glad. She didn't want the possibility of getting close to someone again, only to hurt or kill them.

_But isn't that what you're doing, Zia? Getting close to anyone, even the esteemed Jedi Master, is dangerous. Isn't that what all this has taught you? _But she was getting close to Luke. Albeit he was her teacher, but that didn't make a difference. He was her friend. _Friends are dangerous, you never know when you might snap and take it out on those closest to you- again._

She took a bite of toast to calm her nerves and tried to stop thinking about it. She would have friends, and they would help her not lose it again. She wouldn't make the same mistakes all over again. And hopefully if she was trusted again, she could serve as a role model, both as to how dangerous it could be to contain your anger and that it was possible to come back.

She stood and walked again to the training rooms, memories flooding back to her of the first time she had walked to this room- and the last time.

_She had stridden to the room alone, even though she had friends. Her hand was on her sabre hilt and she was steaming with anger. That boy had hurt her. It was the last straw. She knew he would be there, and she intended to make him pay… when she left the room, he was unconscious against the wall and she didn't care. People came up to her asking what happened, but she didn't answer… she just walked, leaving silently, and never returned… the masters only realised what was happening after a student alerted them, and by then it was too late… she had stolen a ship and gone._

Zia shook her head to clear it as she entered the room… she saw the spot the boy had been lying when she beat him… and Luke in the centre of the room. She walked to him, shaking slightly. "If I go a little, well, crazy, please stop me in any way possible" Luke chuckled and nodded, but her face was deadly serious. "I mean it. I don't trust myself with weapons" Luke nodded again.

"I know Zia. But you need to face them again at some stage. I promise I will stop you if you seem to be a little serious…" she looked relieved.

"Thank you Luke" she said quietly, and then Luke crossed to the wall and fetched two blunt vibroblades, and tossed one to her. "Here" she examined it. It was short, shorter than she was used to, and intricate patterns were carved on the sides. She had a strange feeling as she held it, like it had belonged to someone important.

"It was Sarah's." Luke said quietly. Zia dropped it.

"No. I'm not worthy to hold anything of Sarah's. I don't want to hold anything of hers." Luke seemed to understand, for he put the carved vibroblade away and gave her a plain one. She took it gratefully and dropped into a combat pose, testing it out. Luke watched with a smile.

"You look like a snake when you fight. It suits you." Zia stopped.

"Thank you Master," she said quietly. "I mean it." She looked at him with deep pain in her eyes, and he felt deep pity for this woman. He wasn't tormented at night; he hadn't gone in deep enough. Zia had gone as deep as it was possible to go and still had come back. This wasn't mercy. This was torture. Maybe it would be kinder to let her kill herself. No. He had come back, so had she. She would pull through.

Zia had stood with the blade in her quivering hand, eyes tight shut, clearly fighting something. She opened her eyes. "Master, can we please start? Please? Can we get this over and done with?"

He nodded and dropped into combat pose, a move she mirrored. Her combat pose was different, more aggressive.

"Lets start."

XX

Please R&R


	3. Never put a weapon in my hands again

Last chapter of this story.

XX

Zia faced Luke, her blade in her hand, circling him. She watched his every tiny move, and knew which way he was going to strike before he struck. Her blade was already there, deflecting his, and she was spinning on her heel away from him before he could react.

She was suddenly behind him, and he only just turned in time to block her blow. Her speed was astounding. He could see how she stayed out so long. She was quick. He countered with a blow to her waist, but she was already gone. He whistled softly.

She struck again, scoring a hit on his thigh before he could react. He reached out with the Force and found she was at his side, her blade dancing towards his neck. He spun on his heel and deflected it, and she grinned.

"I would've had you there, Master," she chuckled, trading blows with him. He tried to keep pace with her, and failed.

"I know," he said, panting slightly. "You're fast, Zia. I dread to think of you with a lightsabre in your hand. Especially that double bladed one." Her eyes darkened.

"Don't mention that again," she said. "Please." Luke nodded, knowing her struggle for control. She suddenly scored a blow on his kneecap, and he winced.

"Didn't need to hit that hard, Zia," he called, and her eyes flashed. He bit his lip. Oops. Looks like she wasn't ready for weapons.

Zia struggled for control, remembering her journey…

_She had the red crystals in her hands, and her sabre guts were exposed. She hesitated, if she put these in there was no going back. Then she remembered his face, and her eyes darkened. She was poised the position the crystals when Sarah's face flashed across her vision briefly. Sarah. How was she going to take it? But she had no choice now. They would never take her back. Probably Sarah hated her too. She slid the crystals into the casing._

She shook her head and cleared it just in time to dodge Luke's blow to her arm. Luke noticed but didn't say anything, and she was thankful. She struck back, getting into the rhythm, then fell back into the memories.

_She stood in front of the terrified man, a smirk plastered across her features. She raised her sabre above his head, and just as she was about to strike the killing blow… Sarah's face appeared in front of her. She heisted and the man took the opportunity to try to run. Sarah's face vanished and she swooped the blade down, and his head fell from his body._

Luke's blade tapped her shin and she started. Luke seemed to know something was wrong, and he stopped. But she was falling into her Sith persona again, and she struck at him. Something changed in her eyes.

Luke knew as soon as her eyes changed that there was trouble. He deflected her blow and threw her across the room with the Force. She hit it with a thud, but was on her feet again in an instant. He reflected how impossible she must have been as a Sith.

Zia snarled at him and launched herself across the room, blade out. She fought to regain control, but was quickly losing.

_It was like before. Only this time Sarah was sitting in front of her, holding her hands in her own blue hands. "Zia, I know you're scared, but believe me I don't want to scare you. I love you Zia, you don't know how much you hurt me when you left."_

_Zia couldn't help but feel pity for the Twi'lek in front of her. Didn't she know that she cared? But she couldn't stop herself. She pushed Sarah away._

_"I can't go back, Sarah." She said. "I can't." Sarah peered at her confused._

_"Why not, Zia, why not?" Zia felt tears in her eyes._

_"Because I've done too much, Sarah. They won't take me back." Sarah smiled. _

_"They will, Zia. Believe me. Logan…" the name sparked Zia's anger._

_"I don't want to hear anything about Logan, you hear me?" she yelled at Sarah, who looked bewildered and hurt. _

_"I'm sorry, Zia. I have orders to take you by force if you won't come willingly…"_

_"Are you now? Well I won't come! I want to stay out, Sarah. I don't want to hurt you, but I'm not going!" she pushed Sarah against the opposite wall. Sarah watched her with pity._

_"I respect that, but I have orders. I can't go back without saying I tried." _

_"Fine. You can try." Zia activated her sabre, glaring at her best friend. _

_Sarah felt her heart break. "I don't want to fight you, Zia, but you make it difficult for me not to." She launched herself forwards and Zia aimed her sabre at Sarah's side, and she flew right onto it, a hole straight through her stomach. Zia felt tears in her eyes, she had never meant to kill her! Sarah stared wide eyed, and Zia started to cry. "I'm sorry Sarah. I didn't mean to…" she fled._

Zia gasped and broke off her attack, throwing herself to the floor, tears pouring down her cheeks. Luke stopped and knelt beside her.

"Zia…" he began. But she didn't hear.

_His eyes burned into her…_

She felt hot tears hit her hands as the agony, regret and pain hit her. She thrust the vibroblade away.

"Never put a weapon in my hands again."

XX

please R&R


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